What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 14:06
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I have no regrets .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why is going on a date today so much different than it was when I was young?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Some in Steelers Building Wanted to Go Back to Justin Fields in 2024 - Sports Illustrated
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was seconnd youngest,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why do doctors refuse HRT to menopausal women but hand them out to trans people?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Is it true that all men want a woman who looks like an Instagram “model”?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Fans criticize Beyoncé for shirt calling Native Americans 'the enemies of peace' - NBC News
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Bruce Willis Enjoys 'Sunday Funday' With Family Amid Dementia Battle - Realtor.com
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
‘Bianca Censori Candy’ Trends as Amid New Lingerie Photos - Yahoo
Put me off passion for life!!
But, we were locked up after school.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The “Extremely Unlikely” Finding That Changes How We See Mass Extinction - SciTechDaily
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot live in the past .
I will be 64.
I write beautiful poetry .
As i do to all so called friends.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were not on the streets..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Who then, do I blame.?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He knew the spot.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She married twice! .
I waited trembling.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So whats the point in blame.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She loved him until the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My family never makes their pension either.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I think the readers, may guess!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Would this be the day?
She found it foreign!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When she asked me how she looked .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Comes on , in middle age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
All the time i was locked up.
And i lived it daily.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ive learnt so much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I don,t even have a pension.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I said to her
But it wasn’t much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We all went to grammer schools
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I couldn’t, believe it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im still living with it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
(And it was in our own minds.)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is soul school!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was 9 years of age.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I never cut or harmed myself..
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was very sick at this time too.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
It was going to be , some day.
I had hoped to write a book about this .